The Life of a Dummy (No, Not Irving)/Script
It was a rainy day in Danville. It was dark, creepy, and dramatically convenient. Three girls, most likely around 12, and a man, around 30, were stand on a side of a street Man: okay, are we really going to do this? Girl #2: yes. Yes we are. This is our only chance. Girl #1: are we this desperate to get rid of him? To go all the way out here? Girl #3: come on, it’ll work. Man: I hear these kids are miracle workers. Maybe they can destroy this guy once and for all. Girl #1: fine. But let’s just dump it and go home. Man: Fine. Let’s go. /// Phineas and Ferb were working on their latest invention Phineas: it’s lucky that rain actually powers this invention! With this, we can turn rain into any substance, so rain can be a good thing! Too bad our friends didn’t feel like coming out in the rain. They’ll come out when this baby does its thing! Irving: I’m here! Phineas: Irving, you’d be here if I were in an earthquake Irving: …Yep! Phineas: glad to have you here. Let’s do this thing! Suddenly, the strangers stepped into the backyard Man: Hello. Are you Phineas and Ferb? Phineas: Yep. Who are you? Man: My name is Jimmy, and these girls are Lindy, Amy, and…. Trina. Irving: aw, I thought that last one would end with a Y... Trina: shut it! Amy: be nice Phineas: what brings you here on a rainy day? Man: I hear you can do anything… Phineas: eh, I wouldn’t Say anything. But yeah, we can do a lot. Man: Well, we need something…disposed of. Phineas: oh? What?   Irving: is it a body? Amy: show him. Jimmy reached into a bad he had, and produced…..a wooden dummy Phineas: A dummy? Trina: this is no ordinary dummy... Amy: not at all! Jimmy: Kids, let’s not scare them Phineas: why can’t you just throw it away? Lindy: we can’t! Jimmy: we can’t explain. You just need to get rid of it somehow! Phineas: …well, we can try our best. Amy: okay, can we go now? Jimmy: come on, we need to fully explain- Trina: no, let’s go! James: but what if they don’t fully get it and end up screwing themselves over? Lindy: please, that’ll never happen Phineas: we’re right here James: of course. Just take him! He handed the dummy to Phineas. Amy: let’s go ladies…and jimmy They walked off Phineas: should we get rid of this guy? Irving: I think those guys were just playing a dumb prank. Phineas: I don’t know…they seemed serious Irving: come on, these people come and dump a dummy on us? I think it’s rigged to blow up or something. Phineas: they must be really good actors then. Irving: you’d be surprised how many pranksters should go into acting. Albert seriously has some chops Phineas: Well…maybe you should take it. Irving: what? Phineas: You’re smart. You should examine this thing, and give it to us if you find reason to get rid of it. If not, then you can keep it. Irving: oh, yay! I’ve always been interested in ventriloquism. Though most kids would pick anything over it, short of genocide Phineas: …you gonna take it or not? Irving: of course! I’ll take him home and have some fun. But what do I call him? Phineas: does he have a name on him? Irving: let me check. Oh, he has one etched on his shoe. “Slappy” Phineas: oh, nice name Irving: Indeed. See ya later Suddenly, the rain stopped Phineas: that was convenient Irving: ….well, I’ll go check this little guy out Irving left Phineas: Ferb, do you think we did the right thing letting him take Slappy? Ferb: No, but let’s see what happens. Phineas: …hey, where’s perry? /// Monogram: Good Morning agent P. that was your best entrance yet! Dr Doofenshmirtz has purchased all of the wood, and joke books in the tri state area. He’s also been researching how to throw your voice. I hope this isn’t related to puppets. I hate puppets. Just doing that puppet show a few days back scared me Carl: That’s…really lame sir Monogram: Do I need to dock your pay? Carl: you don’t pay me. Monogram: let’s keep it that way... So agent P, just go find out what he’s up to. Oh, and one more thing. We’ve located him at a Comedy club. So…go there. Perry saluted and ran off Monogram: and where are you going, Mr “really lame”? // Irving walked in his house. Albert: there you are Irving... please don’t walk out into the dramatic rain again. Irving: Fine. Albert: Whatcha got there? Irving: a dummy! Albert: Ok, but what's with the puppet? Irving: …I hate you. Albert: Hey, what’s that slip of paper in his front pocket? Irving: I didn’t even notice the pocket! Let’s see…oh it has words on it. “Karru Mari Oddana loma moluno, karrano”. Weird.. Albert: why did you read it aloud? Irving: why not? What could happen from me reading it? Slappy’s eyes closed in a wink. // Jingle Singers: Doofenshmirtz at a Comedy Club! Perry walked into the club, while a…magician was on stage Magician: I, Amaz-o, shall tell a joke! What do you get when rabbit won’t go out of your hat? A bad hare day! Man: YOU SUCK! Amaz-o: NO YOU SUCK! Perry sat down to watch the show Amaz-o: anyway, so what’s up with this city? I’ve seen two boys build a giant laptop that shoots ice cream and no one notices! I guess they’re all too busy writing bad fan fiction online. Man 2: BIO-DOME WAS FUNNIER THAN YOU! Man 1: whoa, he’s not THAT bad! Amaz-o: okay, I’m leaving. Everybody’s a critic! I can’ believe I turned myself back into a human for this. He walked off. Doofenshmirtz: he was really bad, huh? Perry turned to see doof siting behind him. Doofenshmirtz: Hey, perry the platypus! I would like you to meet…Little doof! Doof pulled out a wooden dummy version of himself. It looked like doof only smaller, and more wooden. So nothing like him,. Doofenshmirtz: you see, Ventriloquism has gotten big recently. Mostly with kids, which is odd since...well you know how much they should like it. Anyway, I thought that people always pay attention to puppets. I mean, just look at how many kid’s shows have puppets! Statler: They’re the only things more wooden than your personality! Waldorf: besides mine of course Both: D’ohohohohoh! Doofenshmirtz: ugh, those guys have been here all week! Anyway, I decided to make this guy so I can use him to get people to listen. Watch this. Hey Little Doof, what do you call perry when he’s scared? Little Doof: a platy--pussy! Doofenshmirtz: whoa, that can be taken the wrong way! Sorry, I put a joke chip in him with every joke ever, and some odd ones slip out. But of course, there’s always a chance they won’t find me funny. I know ,it’s crazy! Doofenshmirtz: So I made this! Doof pulled a little laser thing out of his pocket Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the laugh inator! Anyone hit by this will be forced to laugh at anything they hear! And since I need to trap you.. A giant whoopee cushion fell from the ceiling and ended up trapping perry Doofenshmirtz: Like it? I installed it when the owners weren’t looking. And don’t think of breaking out. If you do, it’ll make a fart sound and everyone will mock you, then I WILL have the upper hand! Oh yeah, I thought this out. // Irving: Okay, Albert, and Mom. I have gathered you here today to show you my act! Irving’s Mom: it’s great to see you doing something like this. Albert: and without Phineas and Ferb Irving: thank you…I think. This, is Slappy! Say hello slappy! Slappy: hello, Slappy Albert: …meh Irving: say Slappy, didn’t you have termites once? Slappy: yes. Ever heard of the terminator? We had to call the ex-terminator! Irving’s Mom: …got anything better? Slappy: okay, here’s one. What’s the difference between your face and your butt? Irving’s Mom: …I don’t know Slappy: me neither! Irving’s Mom: hey! Slappy: don’t even get me started on Albert! You’re so stupid I bet you think 9000 plus 1 is 90001! Albert: it’s not? I mean HEY! Irving’s Mom: you are being way too mean! Irving: what the-I’m not saying it! Albert: oh yeah, and I suppose the dummy is doing it Irving: come on, my mouth wasn’t open! Would I really be that good on my first try? Would I really insult you with a dummy? Irving’s Mom: Irving. I am an adult, which means I am not supposed to believe you and only be a skeptic. Albert: And I am the older brother, which means I must be a jerk! Irving: well that’s normal. Slappy: did I mention you’re all ugly? // Doofenshmirtz: Okay Perry the platypus, I’m going up. Come on little doof! Doof got up on the stage. Doofenshmirtz: So Little Doof, how was your flight over here? Little doof: please tell me it’s not the arms gag Doofenshmirtz: …So do you have a girlfriend? Little Doof: of course. Do you think i like having YOUR hand up my butt all day? Doofenshmirtz: stupid joke chip! Okay, I hear you had termites? Did you call the doctor? Little Doof: No, the carpenter Man: BOO YOU SUCK! Doofenshmirtz: uh…so how about…forks? Man: RIP OFF ARTIST! Doofenshmirtz: great, I’m stinking on ice! Time to bring out the big guns! Doof pulled his laugh inator and zapped everyone. Doofenshmirtz: okay here it is goes…what do you get when you cross a yak and Martian? My mother! Everyone: *laughs* Doofenshmirtz: looks like I am having the last laugh…literally! // Irving’s Mom: I can’t believe you did that Irving! Irving: It was the dummy, I swear! Irving’s Mom: Aren’t you a little old to be telling tall tales? Irving: I’m not making it up! Albert: a likely story! Irving: I would never do anything like that! Irving’s Mom: I don’t care, we’re skeptics~ Irving: fine, believe what you want to believe! Irving took Slappy and stormed up to his room Irving: Slappy, are you alive? …oh of course not. He’s just a dummy, they don’t do much. I just wish I had someone here to get my mind off this dummy The doorbell rang Irving: ..Nice Irving ran downstairs quickly and opened the door and.. Irving: oh it’s Django. Django: hey Irving! Irving: where have you been? Django: over there. Irving: oh. Django: Wanna see a new drawing of mine? Irving: sure. Come upstairs! The two headed upstairs to Irving’s Room.. Django noticed something… Django: hey, what’s that poster on your wall? Irving: oh, you noticed? It’s a poster Albert gave me as a joke. It’s of the Paisley Sideburn brothers. I hate them, and Albert gave it me for Christmas because he’s a jerk like that. Mom won’t let me take it down for some reason. Django: that stinks. Irving: it’s fine. Let me see your painting Django pulled out his drawing, which all laid out on a piece of paper. It depicted a little brown dog. Irving: oh, cute! …what is it? Django: it’s my old dog, Evan. He kind of…ran away to live on kindly old man Simmons farm. Irving: why are so many pets going there? Django: No idea. But this drawing was really special to me. I like it. What do you think? Irving: it’s great. Hey wanna go get something to eat? Just leave the drawing there, it’ll be fine. Django: hmmm..Okay. Let’s go! They both let to do what they do. *30 minutes later& The boys returned from their quick trip to slushy burger Django: that was some good slushy burger. Or dawg. What do they call it anyway?   Irving: I don’t know, but they don’t get any better Django: okay, let me go get my drawing so I can home. They walked into Irving’s room to see a horrible sight Both: NO! The drawing was lying on the floor. However there was a tiny different. It was defaced so now the dog had a big bushy beard and stupid glasses. To make it worse, Irving’s poster was torn down. Wait, that’s a good thing. Django: MY DRAWING! Irving: YAY MY POSTER’S RIPPED~! Django: AHEM! Irving: oh, the other thing’s bad. Really bad Then they noticed a certain dummy lying on the floor, oddly close to the picture and poster... Irving: Slappy! Do you think… Django: No, that’s impossible! Irving: but who did it? Both: …ALBERRRRT! As if to answer the call, Albert stormed in Albert: did I hear my name shouted?   Irving: Albert, did you vandalize django’s art? Albert: Django? Where has he been? Django: over there Albert: oh.   Irving: Answer the question! Albert: if I had known of this, I would have vandalized it. But seeing as no one informed me, I didn’t Django: …he has a point. Irving: I bet you didn’t tear my poster either?   Albert: no! I live for your humiliation! Who did this!? Irving: that’s what we’re figuring it out! Django: let’s go tell your mom! Albert: you do it. I’m lazy The two ran downstairs. Irving’s Mom was in the kitchen preparing some food. Irving: mom! Irving’s Mom: Yes? Ohai Django. Were you over there again? Django: yes. Irving: that poster in my room got trashed…by slappy! At least I think so. Irving’s Mom: it just fell, sweety. That happens. Django: Irving. Mention my drawing of my dead dog! It’s way more important. Irving’s Mom: there’s no way the poster got torn by slappy.   Irving: what about the DRAWING?! That’s more important. Django: you only kind of mentioned it Irving! Make a bigger deal of it! Irving’s Mom: there’s no way slappy did those Irving: but it’s the only option. I didn’t do it, Django didn’t, and Albert didn’t even know of the drawing! Irving’s Mom: sorry Irving, but I’m a skeptic. Django: wow, Adults are useless. I should have stayed over there! Django stormed out, to go back to being forgotten by his creators. Irving: you have to believe me! I think slappy is alive Irving’s Mom: sorry, I don’t   Irving: …my mom doesn’t believe me.   Candace (Off-screen): I feel your pain! Irving: *sigh* // News Man: Hello, and welcome to plot convenience news. Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz has slowly become famous for his comedic stylings, which I have yet to hear,. It’s all going down at the Danville comedy club. Doofenshmirtz has gotten people laughing all around town. People are coming to see his jokes, and laughing at them,. We now take you to our field reporter, Stan Brown. Stan was inside the comedy club, as everyone was laughing hard.   Stan: Thank you news guy, I am standing in the comedy club as Dr Doofenshmirtz is telling some jokes. Tell us one doof! Doofenshmirtz: okay…how about that airline food? He zapped Stan with the laugh inator   Stan *laughs* that’s funny! Doofenshmirtz: yes, I’m winning! Wait. I’m winning?! YES! YES! And…I feel good? Wow, I thought I’d feel empty. I feel…good! Everyone: good! That’s a good one. HAW! Doofenshmirtz: ..That wasn’t meant to be funny Man: HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Doofenshmirtz: …k. Stan, would you like to hear more about how funny I am? Stan: *laughs* sure! Doofenshmirtz: well… Doofenshmirtz (signing): I get a guffaw or two several times a day Just from that age-old chicken quandary What can I say? I'll make them laugh I'll take your picture with a spritzing flower Tell you fake headlines about mattresses gaining power Anything that I do you'll find humor in I'll make you laugh They say that power brings limits But I can't attempt to obey I've got control over people's sense of humor And by some relation, their free will as well I greet a meter maid or two, try to pick up a few They all laugh in my face, that's what I want them to do Although I may regret it soon I'll make them laugh Doof (spoken): Hey, you! What is two times two? Man (spoken): *laughs* YOU........ *laugh* INEXPLICABLY....... *laugh* HILARIOUS *bursts into fit of laughter* Doof (spoken): Erm..... I would've taken "I don't know", but, y'know, that works too.... Anyways, it's fore. *Doof pulls out a golf club and hits man with it* Man (spoken, while laughing): I think I'm bleeding. Doof (spoken): But I'm funny, right? Man (spoken, while laughing): Somebody please call an ambulance Doof (spoken): Oh, quiet, you. No sorrow for a real long time Just can't commend it So if science can't cure depressedness Well, at least it can prevent it When your uncle dies, you'll be too enraged in laughter to care It's not totally evil, in a way, I swear When terrorists appear, I'll make them laugh Doof (spoken): Okay, so what's the capital of Russia? Woman (spoken, while laughing): I'm not sure Doof (spoken): Moscow! *Doof shows a picture of a cow covered in moss* Woman (spoken, while laughing): I don't get it. Doof (spoken): TAP SOLO! *a lot of tapdancing ensues* My humor is everlasting And never, ever profane I trust you will find humor Because that's in my -inator's name 80s guy sits alone in parks Listening to Robin Williams and Groucho Marx While their humor may fade, mine won't lose its spark I'm the real king of comedy I'll make you laugh That's right, I'm the king Number one I spread humor like wildfire and before I'm done I'll rule these states All three of them Your laughter will hinder Your objections One thing is surely guaranteed While dying of laughter, you'll bow down to me That's such a feel-good, groovy thing I'll make you laugh I'll make you laugh Doofenshmirtz: Oh yeah Everyone: HESAIDYEAH! HAW! Doofenshmirtz: …I hope I don’t regret this // Baljeet had arrived at Irving’s house. He was holding someone interesting in his hand.. Lil Jeet: Why are we here? Baljeet: Oh, it’s fun to talk to a dummy…that isn’t Buford.   Lil Baljeet: Please stop trying to be funny. Baljeet: Whatever. Let us find out why Irving requested our presence Baljeet rang the doorbell. It did not take long for Irving to open it and step out Irving: Oh there you are baljeet! …and ill Jeet Lil Jeet: Hey Baljeet: Why did you ask for me? Irving: Come up here Baljeet, and Lil Jeet followed Irving upstairs to his room Irving: Okay Baljeet, take note at the…THING, siting on my floor! Lil Jeet: My long lost brother?! Baljeet: Oh, it’s another dummy! Irving: You see, today Django came over- Lil Jeet: About time his existence was remembered Irving: Yes. So he had this drawing of his dead dog, and we left to get some food, and when we came back…it was vandalized! And guess who was at the scene of the crime. Lil Jeet: me? Irving: …what? No. slappy! Baljeet: …that Is quite the problem Irving: I think slappy is alive, and I was wondering if you and your dummy had any ideas Baljeet: Oh because I own a dummy means I know everything about dummies? Lil Jeet: …I think you should just set slappy on fire. Irving: …But in the movies, the villain always comes back if you do stuff like that! Baljeet: Well, you are screwed. Irving: …What? Lil Jeet: Yeah, that dummy is gonna kill you Baljeet: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CONTRACTIONS?! Irving: ...Uh, are you even controlling that thing? Baljeet: I am an enigma. Irving: …Can we talk out in the hall, where it’s normal? Without any dummies? Lil Jeet: But baljeet will be there! Baljeet: Quiet you. Baljeet Set Lil Jeet down and allowed Irving out to the hallway, and closed the door. Baljeet: Okay, let us talk Irving: I really need to get rid of slappy, but I’m afraid he’ll just get angry. Baljeet: Maybe he isn’t alive. Perhaps it was someone else Irving: Dude, no one else knew of the drawing, I’ve checked, slappy was in the room! Baljeet: …It is hard to be a skeptic with that logic. Irving: exactly. What should I do? Baljeet: I suggest waiting for him to take offensive action. After all, no one seems to believe you right now. So perhaps then you could snap a picture, or maybe the ensuing noise will be heard Irving: ..I don’t think I want to risk my life like that Baljeet: …How did you even get this thing? Irving: Oh, three girls and some other guy showed up while at was Phineas and Ferb’s house, gave it us, told the boys get rid of it, then they gave it to me for safe keeping Baljeet: …Four strangers? Irving: Yes. Baljeet: You took in a dummy that four strangers gave to the two smartest boys in Danville to get rid of? Irving: …The way you say it, it sounds dumb Baljeet: ..How about we just got in and get slappy? They walked back into the room. However, they saw an awful sight. Both: WHAT?! Lil Jeet was lying on the floor. He had very noticeable marks all over his body. It looked he had gotten quite dirty. He also had some scratches, which indicated someone had touched him Baljeet: Lil Jeet?! They were horrified. And who was right there, next to Lil Jeet, sitting triumphantly? Irving: Slappy! Baljeet: IT’S ALIVE! Baljeet ran screaming Irving: But what about lil jeet? Baljeet: DON’T CARE! With that, Baljeet was gone Irving: …Slappy, are you alive? He stood there in silence. Slappy just sat there, doing nothing Irving: I guess…it’s all in my head? Wait no, that’s dumb. You’re alive! Come on, kick me in the butt or something. Do it! Nothing happened. Irving: we’re alone here. You don’t need to play innocent. Come on, do something bad. Kick me in the butt! Irving started to walk away Irving: Stupid dummy Suddenly, he felt a rough kick in his rear end. He toppled over. Irving: What the- He looked up to see Slappy standing tall over him Slappy: You didn’t say please // Doofenshmirtz: Okay, why did the chicken cross the playground? Monogram: ... No idea Doofenshmirtz: Whoa, how did you get here? Monogram: I was alerted of a near victory going on here. But it seems like you aren’t doing much Doofenshmirtz: Oh yeah? Ahem…to get to the other slide! … *Cricket chirps* Monogram: quiet down, Agent C Doofenshmirtz: Okay, taste my laughter! Doof fired the laugh-inator at Major Monogram Doofenshmirtz: Okay, you now have to laugh at everything I say. Since, well, I was holding it. That’s how I programed it. Sorry, I left that part out of my evil speech with perry the platypus earlier Monogram: PERRY! HAWHAWHAWHAWHAW! Everyone: *laughs* Doofenshmirtz: Okay, enough of this small time stuff. I need to get my laughs on a bigger scale. Let’s take to the streets! Man: YEAH LET’S DO IT! HAW! Doofenshmirtz: Yes! I am winning! // Irving: You…you’re alive! Slappy: And the day has been saved, by captain obvious! Irving: But…how?! Slappy: Want my origin, eh? Irving: …That’d be nice Slappy: Clunky exposition time! You see, thousands of years ago, I was a powerful sorcerer. Me and my twin, who was also a wizard, would often fight to see who was the best wizard. Long story short, he wanted to get rid of me so he created a dummy out of coffin to trap my soul in. of course, I got the better of him, and did that same thing to trap his soul. But…we kind of ended up trapped as dummies at the same time. But, this twin made it so a certain phrase would bring him to life as a dummy. The same phrase YOU read Irving: …makes sense. But what does this have to do with you, and how those kids got you? Slappy: I was getting to that. See, the words affected both of us, since we were made for the same coffin. Good thing I like to recycle. Anyway, we both up in tons of chaos as evil dummies, and eventually we ended up apart. Thank goodness. I ended up in a dumpster, and got taken in by lindy, and her sister. Then, they named Mw Slappy! Irving: I’d hate to see why... Slappy: Shut up. Okay, Eventually, my twin, named mr wood , by sheer bad luck, ended up with them too, and he tried to kill them before he got to me. However, he got crushed by a steamroller, and his soul flew out. This act, brought me to full life, but also me made 1000 times more evil than he was! Irving: Have you killed anyone? Slappy: Yes, but I like to mess with people’s minds. Much scarier Irving: Nice. So finish this up, we have to move the plot along Slappy: Fine. The kids ended up stopping me, but eventually I lived on to terrorize other family. One was this girl named amy, and another was this other chick, Trina. After that, I got my first slave, the man jimmy o james. But…he stopped me, and teamed up with linda, kris, and trina to finally dispose of me, by going to the boys who can do anything! Irving: That’s why they gave you to Phineas and Ferb! They could get rid of a dummy like you! Slappy: Exactly. But…it seems like you were dumb enough to take me in and read the words! Irving: Wait, what happened to Mr Wood? Slappy: Don’t know. Haven’t seen him since he got crushed. His soul most likely drifted into another dummy eventually. He must have gotten far enough that I’ll never see him again Irving: So.…you causes all this crud to make me look crazy, and thus mess with my mind, and my family, and tear us apart so I can be your slave! Slappy: Wow, you’re smart. Irving: Thanks. Anyway, I can’t let you do that. I’ll never be your slave! Slappy: Oh, but you will. I’ll do whatever evil acts I can to get you to serve me! Though you are a little young to be a slave... Irving: Yes. Yes I am, so let me go! Slappy: ...Nah! I like' em young... Irving: *Cough* Pedo...*Cough* Slappy: If I had a nickel for everytime I’ve been called that… Irving: ….i guess you could buy a candy bar Slappy: Enough! It’s slave time! Irving: Never! Irving dashed out of the room Slappy: …Should have locked that. Slappy chased Irving outside. Irving: Great, seems like mom and Albert are gone. How dramatically convenient! Slappy had chased Irving right into the streets. Slappy: You can’t go too fast, Irving. I’ll get you! Irving: NEVER! Slappy: I love a good chase. You know this calls for? Irving: *pant* What? Slappy: Villain song! Irving: …Crud. Thus, a villain song started. Slappy: You think you can escape me! Many have tried and failed! I'll haunt you for eternity, And you have one opportunity To keep your worthless life! If you choose to serve me, Then I'll let you keep your soul! But if you refuse my offer, I'LL SWALLOW YOU WHOLE! Irving: that’s too bad, because I’ll never give in Slappy: then I guess you’re body will go in a bin! Run, run as fast as you can! You can't escape me! I am the Puppet Man! You'll be my servant, my lackey, my slave! And if you disobey, well I'll MAKE you behave! Many years ago I put my soul in this dummy And now i'll terrorize everyone, even your mummy! I got tons of magic powers that you can't even understand I don't grow flowers I make people my slaves! I'll grab them by their necks Before they have time to shave! There's a very good reason that Slappy is my name Because once i hit you, you'll never by the same! I'll take you by the collar, before you go to pee! And this all true because... You can't escape me! Irving: I’m shocked we ran for the length of that song Slappy: …Sid you like it? Irving: the lyrics were good. Too bad this is only in written form. // Back at the Comedy Club, Doofenshmirtz was almost ready to take his laughing army out to the streets Doofenshmirtz: okay Guys, are you ready to go make everyone in Danville laugh? Everyoner: HESAIIDDAN! HAHAH! Doofenshmirtz: there’s nothing funny about “dan”. it’s a fine name! Everyone: NAME! HAHAHAHAHA! Doofenshmirtz: stop laughing! You are supposed to take me seriously! Man: You’re name is Doofenshmirtz. Doofenshmirtz: why aren’t you laughing? Man: HESAIDLAUGH HAHAHAHA! Doofenshmirtz: … I think I put it on the wrong setting. They’re laughing at all I say! Well, I can fix this. As long as no one barges in.. Then, the doors to the club were thrust open Doofenshmirtz: CURSE YOU FATE! And just who had ran in?   Irving: RUN! THERE’S A DUMMY AFTER ME! Doofenshmirtz: IRVING THE HUMAN BOY?! Irving: DOOFENSHMIRTZ?! Man: LOUD NOISES! Irving: enough of this. An evil dummy is chasing me! Doofenshmirtz: you sound like Monogram Irving: shut it! His name is Slappy, and he’s gonna make me his slave! I think I’m safe in he- Slappy ran in, and stood beside Irving Slappy: Fate’s a jerk Doofenshmirtz: yes. Yes it is. Wait…is that a living dummy? Irving: too bad it’s late afternoon, or this would make for a good book title. Anyway, AHHH SLAPPY! Slappy: Yes, I’ve got you now! Doofenshmirtz: Excuse me, I am in the middle of something! Slappy: do I look like I care?   Doofenshmirtz :You’re just a puppet, why does it matter? Slappy: whatever, I doubt you are looking for slaves like I am Doofenshmirtz: …actually I am. I am making everyone laugh at my jokes and thus follow me. It seems to be working! Slappy: hmmm, how interesting! Perhaps you could join me Doofenshmirtz: that’d be great! Little doof: that would be awful! Doofenshmirtz: what the-I didn’t do that. and it’s not in my joke chip! Slappy; wait…you have a dummy too? Why are there so many dummies here? Little doof; slappy? Slappy: …how do you know my name?   Little Doof: I’d think you’d like mine…Mr Wood *Dramatic music* Doofenshmirtz: that gag doesn’t work in text! Quiet, you Irving: Whoa, this little doof dummy is Mr Wood? Mr Wood: yes, and now I can stop doing that stupid accent. Seriously, how do oyu do that? Your throat must be kill you. Doofenshmirtz: eh,. It comes naturally. Slappy: let me guess, your soul ended up in this dummy, and when Nerdving said the words, you came to life Mr wood: Exactly. And it seems my old brother is here. ready to settle this? Slappy: you know it Irving: uh, what about the slave thing? Slappy: Irving,. I am fight with my brother. That’s a bit more important. You know how it is. When this guy is finished, I’ll deal with you Doofenshmirtz: wow, a nemesis confrontation and a brother rivalry? It’s like a combination of everything I love! Mr wood: hmm, you’d make a good hence man when this is done   Doofenshmirtz: I do not hench! Slappy: Quiet! I think it’s time to fight! Mr Wood: you know it is! Let’s do this! Irving: what am I going to do? Two evil dummies are going to fight right here! …that’s kind of cool. But evil! It must be stopped! Monogram: You are *laughs* ri-*laughs* HAHAHAHA! Irving: …it looks like those who aren’t laughing are the only ones who can stop this Doofenshmirtz: exactly. But these dummies can do whatever they want. I’ll just go grab my laugh-inator and head outside. Slappy: hey look, a ray gun! Slappy went and snatched the inator from Doof’s hands Slappy: this will help! Doofenshmirtz: no, that’s not- Slappy: Face your doom, Mr Wood! Irving: No! Irving jumped and tackled slappy   Slappy: what the-you little- In the scuffle, slappy had randomly fired the laughinator Irving: wow, a tackled an evil dummy! Slappy: you are so dead Everyone: ha! He said dead! *laughs* Slappy; why are you laughing? IT’S NOT FUNNY! Monogram: that makes it funny! *laughs* Doofenshmirtz: if you actually payed attention, you would know that you fired my laughinator Slappy: stop laughing! FEAR ME! Everyone: *laughs* Irving: wow, Doofenshmirtz saved the day! Doofenshmirtz: what? I can’t hear you! This laughing is so loud! No one could even hear a whoopee Cushion in here! Back inside his Whoopee trap, perry heard what doof had said. He knew this was the right time. He punched his was way out of the trap *fart* Singers: perry! Doofenshmirtz: did anyone hear anything? I thought a noise was made   Slappy: I can’t hear anything over this laughing! Everyone: he said anything! *laughs* Perry saw tow dummies, and also two wooden puppets. He was used to weird stuff but this…was odd. Doofenshmirtz: PERRY THE PLATYPUS?! The laughiator must have covered up your humiliation Irving: oh there you are perry. As you can see…two evil dummies are alive and in the middle of something. I think…the laughinator thing has made people laugh at slappy. I think…it’s better if you left. The laugh…thing…is over with now Doofenshmirtz: Yea, go home. I’ll file this under defeat for me. Bye! Perry decided there was no reason to stick around, so he just ran back home. Slappy: STOP LAUGHING! Irving: You’re finished, slappy! Slappy: please, I can’t let laughing stop me! Mr wood: let’s take this outside! Slappy: yes, where no one will be laughing! The two dummies ran outside.   Irving: …wanna go check it out?   Everyone: sure. Every ran outside. It was now raining once again Doofenshmirtz: Stupid dramatic rain.. Irving: Hey, where’s slappy? They looked up to see…they had now climbed onto the roof of the comedy club Irving: Two dummies fighting on the roof of a comedy club in the rain. Why is that normal to me? Doofenshmirtz: should we…stop them?   Irving: let’s see what happens. Slappy: You are going down, Mr Wood! Mr Wood: oh no, you are! Slappy: look, I’m the real star here, you’ll never last. Give up! Mr Wood: yes, but who keeps being defeated by little girls? Slappty: They stopped you too! Mr wood: it was the steamroller! Slappy: and I got stopped by another dummy. Stupid dennis. Infact, the dummies stopped me on the trina thing too..   Mr Wood: so that’s your weakness! Other dummies! Slappy: please, Mr Wood. Don’t you get it? I’M INVINCIBLE! *evil laugh*   Just then, lightning struck Slappy, and he blew up. Irving: that was…anti climatic. Mr Wood: slappy blew up! He is exterminated forever! And../he’s my twin…which means …my soul will now float out of this dummy body. Oh darn The Doof-ish dummy body of Mr Wood fell down. It was now nothing more than ugly wood. Suddenly, the soul of mr wood floated out. He looked like you image a wizard would look like Mr Wood: You haven’t heard the last of me! Slappy may be gone but I will live on for many sequels! The soul floated away in defeat   Doofenshmirtz: should we do something? Irving: it’s not our problem anymore. Besides, a soul attached to another, like with wood and slappy, can’t live for long. I give him a week until he finally moves on to the afterlife. Doofenshmirtz: …that makes sense. Well, the dummies are dead, my laughinator most likely got lost in the shuffle, it’s rainy, and I’m tired.   Irving: Call it a day? Doofenshmirtz: oh yes. So…uh…who do I curse?   Irving: slappy. Doofenshmirtz: fine. CURSE YOU SLAPPY THE DUMMY! Doofenshmirtz walked home to go sulk again Irving: My work here is done. Suddenly, the three girls, and the man, ran up to the scene. Jimmy: I heard a loud noise! What happened?! Irving: hey, you’re the guys who gave me this dummy! Trina: We gave it rto Phineas and Ferb! We hoped the two boy geniuses could get rid of slappy once and for all. But they told us you took him and when we heard dummy fighting, we knew you messed up, big time Jimmy: explain! Irving: oh, you see, Slappy did some stuff, then one chase later, we ended up here. then it turns this dummy that was here had the soul of mr wood in him Lindy: MR WOOD?! ]Jimmy: I did wonder what had happened to him.. Irving: yeah, as it turns out slappy and mr wood are twins, made from the same coffin. Their life forces seem to be linked in some way. Don’t ask how, it’s really complex. Once slappy meet Wood, he kind of…forgot, they were linked now. So lightning came and blew up slappy. Amy: …and this killed slappy? And made mr wood’s soul float out, and it will fizzle out soon? Irving: exactly. Slappy got so caught up in his little sibling fight that we forget he needed Mr wood. Slappy’s body is in pieces, and is impossible to piece together. Both of their souls will fizzle out eventually. Jimmy: but what if they find a wooden host soon? Irving:…don’t know. I’m just using inferencing based on what slappy told me. If I had to guess. I’d say neither will find another dummy body before fizzling out. I think it will take about an hour for both to go out, shorter for slappy since he’s lived longer Jimmy: Wow. Slappy did to himself what we couldn’t do. Lindy: the reign of slappy is over.. All: YAY! Monogram: Ugh…all that laughing hurt my throat. I see Agent I has helped stop evil today Irving: Well, I didn’t do too much. I would say I knew mr wood was here and such…but I didn’t Monogram: But you still showed bravery in this situation. Plus, you tacked an evil dummy. That is amazing. As such, you will be given a medal off ellecence…in the mail. It takes a while to make these Irving: Wow, thanks. The curse of an evil dummy is stopped and I got a medal. Best day ever! Jimmy: Thanks. We all thank you Amy: Let’s go home ladies. And Jimmy Irving: by the way, how did you gets to Danville from where you live? Lindy: turns out we all happened to live in the town next door.   Irving: oh. Neat! See ya! They 3 girls and man left, finally fee of slappy Irving: that was an insane day. I’ll just go home and relax. // Irving had arrived home. Albert happened to be waiting for him Albert: okay, explain all this dummy stuff. I know you know what is going on! Irving: oh, your home. Uh, the dummy was alive but he got stopped. It’s a long story. Check my blog for it later! Albert: …eh, good enough. Irving: I’ll just go take a nap. By the way, if you see Phineas and ferb, tell them the dummy is stopped, and don’t worry! Irving walked up to his room. But he noticed something .. Irving: Lil Jeet! I forgot about you. I’ll return you to baljeet. Wait…what if Mr Wood found his way into Lil Jeet before fizziling out?! He started at Lil Jeet. He would move any moment now. Any moment.. Irving: I’m waiting.. He stood there for a solid minute and.. Irving: okay, there doesn’t seem to be a forced twist ending. He bent down to pick up the dummy. Slowly…very slowly.. Irving: screw it. He picked him up. Irving: ..okay, clearly this guy isn’t coming alive anytime soon. You don’t have to wait for the twist. .. Irving: seriously, it’s over. Lil Jeet: you sure?! Irving: …that was me. You’re so jumpy, reader. No dummy Is jumping alive, no one is an alien, and I’m not a dog or something. Just go! End of Episode 19 Category:Fanon Works Category:Fan-Fiction Episodes Category:Transcripts